The Hoppy Mailman

View IV

   It has been awhile since I've posted a view. Winter is pretty boring. But now it's springtime in the Rockies and that means temperatures anywhere from 80 degrees to 10. You just never know. It was around 30 when I took this shot on the right. We received 4-6 inches of some much needed snow the day before. March is our snowiest month.

   Now it's a couple of weeks later and color is starting to come back to the scenery. Today we had a high of around 60 and it was perfect to get out and do some work in the yard. I'm not sure what these little guys are, but it sure is neat to see things starting to come out of the ground. It won't be too much longer and the apple wood tree should be in bloom. I will get a picture.

   To some it's half empty, to some it's half full. To me it's time for a beer run.   -   bumper sticker

Ten

   With apologizes to David Letterman, I would like to give you the Top Ten things that a letter carrier hears from customers over the course of their career.

#10 - Will this get post marked today?   A very good question actually, especially if it's around April 15. The answer is yes as everything I pick up is loaded on a truck and taken to Denver to be processed that evening.

#9 - Will this get to (were ever) by (when ever)?   A damn good question that I have no answer for. There are no guarantees in this business, just a general idea of when it might arrive, unless you want to send it Express Mail. At least then if it doesn't make it the next day, you get a refund.

#8 - How much will this cost to mail?   Usually they are handing me a large envelope or an over stuffed letter and moving their arm up and down while asking the question. I think they are assuming that MY arm has a scale built into it. My stock answer is, "It's been a long time since my college days". Think about it, you know, about an ounce. Anyway, I have no idea. Buy a scale, that's what I did.

#7 - All you ever bring me is junk mail.   Okay, the next time I get a check with your name on it, I'll send it back. I don't want to ruin a perfect record.

#6 - Could you wait just a second?   Most of the time they just need to put a stamp on a couple of letters, but I've had people that have not even finished typing the letter yet and expect me to wait around for them to finish. Believe it or not, we have more than just one customer to deliver to each day and we are on a schedule. You've got a pretty good idea when I arrive everyday, so have it ready.

#5 - They said they sent the check a week ago and I still haven't received it. Do you know where it is?   Yeah, it's probably still in their check book. Unless they send it Registered, Certified, Delivery Confirmation, or Express Mail, we have no idea. Very rarely does the post office lose mail. Most of the time they either haven't sent it or have a bad address on it. Always put a return address on your letters.

#4 - My goodness, how much vacation time do you get?   Not enough. I guess there are times where people think that I am always gone. Postal employees get 3 weeks vacation when first hired. That increases to 4 weeks at 5 years of service and at 15 years you get 5 weeks off.

#3 - Do you have any stamps?   No, I do not. The post office does not allow us to, as that would mean that we would have to carry money with us, thus making us more vulnerable to people wanting to take that money from us. If they would only let us carry guns. Just joking.

#2 - Don't worry, he won't bite.   Right, and grits ain't groceries, eggs ain't poultry and Mona Lisa was a man. Dog bites are a problem. We've had them come through screen doors, over fences and from under cars to attack letter carriers. I've been nailed twice early in my career. Knock on wood, that will not happen again.

And the number 1 thing we hear is...

#1 - Is it cold/hot enough for you?  I loved reading Mad magazine while I was growing up. 25 cents, still cheap. They had a section in it that gave you sarcastic comments to dumb questions. I try to think of as many as possible every time I get asked this.

   Just a little bit of, a day in the life of.

   You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer, good cigars, and ancient whiskey--the sacred incense of the drinking man.   -   Bruce Aidells  -  American writer

   

Mandated

   The following is a letter that I submitted to our local union branch newspaper.

When did it become expected that all letter carriers would work overtime? This agenda has grown to epidemic proportions at the Englewood Main office. Upwards to six carriers a day are being mandated to work their days off. This is absolutely ludicrous. We work for the post office as employees, not slaves. It’s as if they don’t realize we have spouses, children, social functions and other activities to do outside of our job. In a weird sort of way, I almost feel fortunate that I had surgery last year to repair a herniated disc in my neck. I am now restricted to 8 hour days and a 40 hour work week. I don’t have that cloud hanging over my head as to whether I’m going to be mandated to work my day off. But it still infuriates me when I go to the time clock and see a list of names of people who are being mandated. I am actually surprised that there has not been some sort of confrontation or violent act perpetrated at our station. The seed has been planted. I think this says a lot about the carriers we have at the Main. We’ve put up with this for a long time, but at what point is someone going to say, enough is enough. If management wants to keep us happy, stop showing us 10 minute videos of an American Idol wishing us a Happy Valentines Day, keep the coffee mugs and give us our days off. Get a grip indeed.

Russ Young

Englewood Main 

Movie

   It was Tuesday, and the post office decided that they would make us all happy by showing us a movie that wished us a Happy Valentine's Day. It even featured an American Idol contestant who happens to be a rural letter carrier from Fort Myers, Florida. For 16 minutes we were all mesmerized by this epic feature that ended with her singing a song to her fellow carriers. This was shown during a week where 2 to 4 carriers a day are being mandated to work their days off. General consensus was that they could have used the money from making that horrid movie and hired another carrier for our office. Now THAT would have made us happy. I guess their heart was in the right place, but no brains.

   With that said, I am a lucky man. I've heard cowboys say that you've had a great life if you've been fortunate to have a good horse, a good dog, and a good woman. Now I don't like horses and with my occupation, a good dog is an oxymoron. My good woman makes up for those two and then some. She is my bride. I prefer to say that as opposed to my wife. It just sounds less possessive and more heartfelt to me. She is the most loving person that I know and it's an astonishing feeling being married to her. I love you Patty, you are my valentine for life. 

   I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.   -   Ernest Hemingway

23

   It has now been three weeks since I've been on my new route and so far, so good.

   People want to know why I would change routes when I had been on my old one for such a long time. There are a lot of factors that are considered when a letter carrier decides to bid on a new route. How much walking is involved? Does it have apartments on it? Are there bad dogs out there? How many deliveries are there? Essentially the perfect route, for me anyway, would be a mounted route with rural mailboxes that has no walking or satchel involved, and would be 8 hours in length. Fat chance for the 8 hour part. Out of our office we have 4 fully mounted routes in the exclusive Cherry Hills district, but they get so much mail that they rarely, if ever, have an 8 hour day, unless they get assistance. Nice gratuities at Christmas time, but they really work for it. Some carriers prefer a business route. More mail involved, but you're not carrying any of it on your shoulders. Other carriers, and I am not one of them, like routes with apartments on them. You don't have any walking and that's a good thing, but keeping track of all the people that move in and out can make your head spin. That and trying to jam all that junk mail into a tiny hole that already has mail left in it from the last four days is just more than I want to deal with. With that in mind, my new route is a little of all three.

   Route 23 is mainly a business route with a little mounted delivery and 4 apartments. It's broken down as potentially having 144 business deliveries, 87 mounted stops, and 36 apartment deliveries for a total of 267 delivery points. That's around 100 less stops than my other route had. Keep in mind that some places are vacant. The best thing about it is that I don't carry any mail on my shoulders. No more satchel. No more navigating through snow covered lawns with buried land mines ie: garden tools, water hoses, rakes, toys, and dog shit. I enjoy the businesses. You get to interact with your customers, which for the most part is good. Another good thing about a business route is that because of the large volume of mail they get, the slots on your case are bigger to accommodate it all and that makes it easier to case it. After that I have residential deliveries which all have rural mailboxes. It's nice and cozy in the winter time, but in the summer it can be a little warm, or should I say darn right hot. I should explain that this is not a high rent district that I'm delivering to here. Blue collar, low income would better explain it. It's a mainly Latino population and the homes are older and fairly small by today's standard. The last 20 minutes of my day are spent delivering to the 4 apartments. I must admit that this is not a whole lot of fun. I don't know what they charge for rent, but whatever it is, it's too much. Two of them have 6 rooms and the other 2 have 12 apiece. Some of the apartments have 4-6 different names living there, plus people have a tendency to move on a moments notice without anyone knowing. I was delivering mail one day when a police officer happened to walk by. I sarcastically mentioned something to him about this being a fun place to visit and he looked at me and asked if I carried a firearm. He said, "I wouldn't come here without one". Very reassuring. I did not take any pictures of these structures.

   The hardest thing about a new route is trying to figure out where everything is on your case. After years of seeing the street names Inca, Huron, Kalamath, Jason, Lipan, Mariposa, and Windemere, suddenly I'm dealing with Zuni, Cornell, Bates, Umatilla, Wyndot, Shoshone, and Tejon. When I explain it to people, I tell them it's a little like getting married and having to instantaneously memorize 267 names, plus all of their relatives and know where they live. That first week was a real struggle, but it gets easier with time as you start to match names with numbers. It does tend to keep the mind sharp.

   So except for the very end, I'm likin' it. For the first time in 21 years I have a route that actually IS 8 hours long. That is a rarity. I do miss all of my friends from route 13, especially Bruce, but 23 is better on the body and with only 46 months to go before retirement, that's pretty important to me. Hell yes I'm counting. It also comes with some killer views. This picture sucks, but what I'm looking at is Pike's Peak located about 70 miles south of Denver near Colorado Springs. I love being outside. Whether it's 110F or -10F, outside is where it's at. I would not mind finishing my career on this route.

   "You don't like jail?"  They got the wrong kind of bars in there.   Charles Bukowski  - American writer             

Change

   They say the only thing that's constant is change. I've got no problem with change as long as it's for the better. Taking the red line out of hockey is good change. Celebrating a tackle in football with a dance after a 3 yard gain is bad change. I have not agreed with all the changes in the post office, but getting a route where you don't have to carry mail on your shoulders is a good thing.

   After spending the better part of 20 years in the same neighborhood, I have changed routes. I had the opportunity to bid on a route that needs no satchel and I jumped on it. No more trudging through the snow and hauling mail on my shoulders. My neck is very happy about this. I will miss all the friends I made on my old route, but it was time for a change.

   It will take awhile to learn all the new names and addresses, but once that is done, this route should be a good one. It is mainly a business route with a little residential at the end and it has 100 less stops on it than my previous one. The homes all have rural box delivery so most of my time is spent inside the truck. I'm looking at this route as one I can retire on. Saturday was my first day and what a bear of a day it was. Like I said before, it's going to take some time before I become efficient. Wish me luck. 

  A mind the caliber of mine cannot derive its nutriment from cows.   -      George Bernard Shaw

Parcels

   My sister-in-law uses an expression when she comes upon a room that is slightly unkempt. "It looks like a goat exploded," she would remark. Welcome to the Englewood, Colorado main post office, or ground zero. Traditionally, the Monday before Christmas is the busiest day of the year. In Colorado, they expected to process 6 million letters and 1 million packages. Part of that 1 million is sitting by all of the routes here in this picture. And that wasn't the half of it. To the left you can see some of the clerks frantically sorting through the posts and then gently tossing them into the correct routes gurney on the right. Hey, did I hear someone laugh? This morning I had 26 parcels, which by definition means that it's bigger than a bread box. I had plenty of smaller items also. There was not a whole lot of room to move around in. Then when the carriers got back to the office that afternoon after completing their routes, there were more parcels stacked up by our cases that had to be distributed that evening. My count was 21, for a total of 47. I hope people like fruit, because a bunch got transported today. After this Christmas, I'll have three more left with the PO. I'm not going to miss it at all. Did you remember your letter carrier this year?

  To live long: eat like a cat, drink like a dog.  -  German Proverb

View III

  Another month has gone by, so it's time for another picture from my office. The sun is coming up later, and the days are shorter. We have around 9 hours and 15 minutes of sunlight a day as we approach the winter solstice on December 21st. All the leaves are gone, and there's 2-4 inches of snow on the ground from a storm that blow through here when we got back from Mexico. And I do mean blow, as a local airport had clocked winds of 93 mph (150 kph). That storm also produced a near record low for the day of -11 degrees F (-23 degrees C). It does get cold, and the wind likes to blow here.

   Again, to get a larger view of the pictures, just right click your mouse on the picture, and open it up in a new window.

   Twenty-four hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. No coincidence, surely?

 

View II

   About a month ago I did an article entitled View. I wanted to show you the view from my office window, my postal vehicle. I thought it might be neat idea if I took a picture from the same place each month, just to show you the change of seasons. The trees have pretty much lost all of their leaves, and as you look west to the mountains, you can see a lot of cloud cover. That afternoon, we had a front roar through here with 50 mph winds, with rain turning to snow in the evening. This morning we woke up to around 2-3" of the white stuff which was a welcomed sight as we sure could use the moisture. We'll get back to you in a month or so with another update.

Misconception

   Most people are of the belief that it is the Christmas season that puts a bend in our backs with the load of Christmas cards and packages, and to a point, that is true. But more to a fact, it's the four months leading up to it, that really kills us.

   As soon as school starts, and vacations are over with, the catalogs start to roll in, literally. To the right you see three rolling hampers full of bulk rate (Junk. You call it that, we call it income.)  mail that is ready to be distributed to the appropriate routes. The little rectangular shaped cards on top of the mail signifies what day of the week it's supposed to go out. Blue is for Monday, orange for Tuesday, everyday has a different color. These mailers know, that now that people are home, it's time for these potential buyers to start thinking about Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Some people in the more affluent part of Englewood called Cherry Hills, will get on average 15 catalogs a day. That's an average, which means some days they receive so much, that you can't get all that mail into a regular sized rural mailbox. It's amazing the amount of mail our Cherry Hills routes get. Having 15 feet of flats for them to put in their case is not unusual. Yes, with Christmas we get more parcels and first class letters. But since we don't get as much bulk rate mail for the two weeks prior to Christmas, it just seems to be a little easier not having to deal with all junk. OKAY, I said the J-word. 

   This is a picture of my case, route 13. All the mail has been put in and I'm ready to pull it down.  After pulling this mail down, I go out to the dock and pick up my letter mail. It has all been machined, in trays, and in delivery sequence. Over 90% of your mail now goes through a machine which sorts it all to where it's supposed to go. On this day I had about 6 feet of mail waiting for me. It's a little difficult to see in the picture, but if you squint real hard, you might be able to see pamphlets in all the slots with red lettering on them. Everyone on the route today received a menu from the New Dragon Cafe featuring Vietnamese cuisine. One of their specialties is broiled shrimp with lemon grass. Jumbo shrimp broiled to a golden brown with lemon grass and lightly seasoned. Served with soft rice wrappers, mint, lettuce, cucumber, rice noddles, and a homemade sauce. All for $9.95. How 'bout that?

   So Christmas time is a little like throwing a party. The party itself is a breeze compared with the effort you put in preparing for it. Merry Christmas.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.   -   Henny Youngman