Ten

   With apologizes to David Letterman, I would like to give you the Top Ten things that a letter carrier hears from customers over the course of their career.

#10 - Will this get post marked today?   A very good question actually, especially if it's around April 15. The answer is yes as everything I pick up is loaded on a truck and taken to Denver to be processed that evening.

#9 - Will this get to (were ever) by (when ever)?   A damn good question that I have no answer for. There are no guarantees in this business, just a general idea of when it might arrive, unless you want to send it Express Mail. At least then if it doesn't make it the next day, you get a refund.

#8 - How much will this cost to mail?   Usually they are handing me a large envelope or an over stuffed letter and moving their arm up and down while asking the question. I think they are assuming that MY arm has a scale built into it. My stock answer is, "It's been a long time since my college days". Think about it, you know, about an ounce. Anyway, I have no idea. Buy a scale, that's what I did.

#7 - All you ever bring me is junk mail.   Okay, the next time I get a check with your name on it, I'll send it back. I don't want to ruin a perfect record.

#6 - Could you wait just a second?   Most of the time they just need to put a stamp on a couple of letters, but I've had people that have not even finished typing the letter yet and expect me to wait around for them to finish. Believe it or not, we have more than just one customer to deliver to each day and we are on a schedule. You've got a pretty good idea when I arrive everyday, so have it ready.

#5 - They said they sent the check a week ago and I still haven't received it. Do you know where it is?   Yeah, it's probably still in their check book. Unless they send it Registered, Certified, Delivery Confirmation, or Express Mail, we have no idea. Very rarely does the post office lose mail. Most of the time they either haven't sent it or have a bad address on it. Always put a return address on your letters.

#4 - My goodness, how much vacation time do you get?   Not enough. I guess there are times where people think that I am always gone. Postal employees get 3 weeks vacation when first hired. That increases to 4 weeks at 5 years of service and at 15 years you get 5 weeks off.

#3 - Do you have any stamps?   No, I do not. The post office does not allow us to, as that would mean that we would have to carry money with us, thus making us more vulnerable to people wanting to take that money from us. If they would only let us carry guns. Just joking.

#2 - Don't worry, he won't bite.   Right, and grits ain't groceries, eggs ain't poultry and Mona Lisa was a man. Dog bites are a problem. We've had them come through screen doors, over fences and from under cars to attack letter carriers. I've been nailed twice early in my career. Knock on wood, that will not happen again.

And the number 1 thing we hear is...

#1 - Is it cold/hot enough for you?  I loved reading Mad magazine while I was growing up. 25 cents, still cheap. They had a section in it that gave you sarcastic comments to dumb questions. I try to think of as many as possible every time I get asked this.

   Just a little bit of, a day in the life of.

   You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer, good cigars, and ancient whiskey--the sacred incense of the drinking man.   -   Bruce Aidells  -  American writer

   

Comments

[SIL]

Good post!

[Doug]

Great post!

And, the check is in the mail, etc. etc. etc.

I don't want to go there!

However, if I asked you to pick up a glass of home brew and guess the weight, could you do it? ;-)

[Russ]

A pints a pound the world around

[Mary]

I am impressed with your blog! (and I thoght you were just a mailman :))The top ten gave me a smile, thanks.

Mary